A girl may leave father, mother, tribe, even her own name and take the name of some man; her husband, and not leave the self.
Women adapt soon to the new names but the self abides. The old name, the father’s, dies immediately after a girl marries.
The general situation is: you have the man plus his self and the woman plus her self. These four then enter into a boxing ring.
Recently in Gabon, a certain man did not attend the meetings that we held there. His wife had landed a pestle on his head. They were married only two years ago, and now the man’s head is being pounded like cocoyam. This woman had left all and installed the self as her first husband. Man, woman, unless the Holy Spirit intervenes, you are only a second spouse. The first spouse is the self of your partner. If there is a choice between you and your partner’s self, you are not to be chosen.
I have seen girls pay all the financial demands raised towards their marriages, but when the self was touched, they forgot all that they had put in for the man. Self was carried over and it bore destructive consequences. Self is the only problem for many.
Only one thing prevents many marriages from being perfect - self. For many, the problem is not money. No marriage dies because of lack of money. Many are prepared to forgive the lack of money. But they do not bear that the self is touched. When the self has been touched, it rises like a cobra and strikes.
You may say - I married the wrong wife, - are you the right man? You say - I want my wife to change, - you alone must not change. Not so? You simply want to protect your self.
Other issues may be enumerated, but they come up only because self has been touched. Many churches are not where they ought to be because of self. The conquest of many cities is not where they should be because of self. The interpersonal relationship between many brethren is not where it should be because of self.