Lean on God
You must lean very heavily on God in the matter of choosing a life partner. Do not lean on your own understanding. Ask God, fifty years from today, will she fit on the call of God on my life? Is she expanding? Does she have a capacity to remain young?
A man and his wife came to see me. The woman is only one year younger, but she looked so many years younger than the man. Ask, “Would I be liking this face for fifty, seventy-five years? Will hers ever be a face specially sent? Or will I ask God for grace every day?
Lean on the Lord. You do not even know what you will like in five years. Men are very changing in what they want. They do not know what they want. When God comes in, then He brings a constancy.
Lady, if you enthuse a man by your commitment, he will always have a place for you.
It is God that can make you continuously interesting. A girl could be very beautiful but uninteresting. Say to God, “I need help, 1 need You.”
The Parental Role
If I were fifteen today, and I wanted to marry, I will go and tell my father, go get a wife for me. If you have a spiritual father, take the woman he brings to you. In ten years, you will say that he was correct. Take the woman your heart beats for and ten years may make the same heart icy cold. So much can depend on her – the woman you marry. Pray that you may not make a mistake in this matter of marriage.
Your Ministry and The Choice
Get a girl who will continue the ministry if you are shot dead. The girl who will continue the ministry if you are shot is not the one who will yield to just anything you say. Such a girl has gifts and talents of her own. If a girl cannot continue the work if you die, then she is not the right person. If she is the right person, she may tell you, “Let’s forget children because of the work.”
Think of a girl who can replace you. Choose the kind of girl who can preach the ‘second evangelistic message if you preach the first. Cowards tend to fear such women. But think about the ministry.
Do not choose the woman who will co-work with you from the kitchen. It is better to choose the one who will co-work from the field. A cook could be hired.
Especially for those going to the mission field, the woman should lead the second assembly if the man leads the first. She too must be a master at the scriptures.
Such women are strong women. They will not bow to block-headed leadership. They will not tell a fool, “You are wonderful.” They will challenge him.
Choose a woman, a co-worker on the front line. Leave the kitchen woman alone. It is very rare to find a woman who is excellent in the kitchen and excellent in the front line battles for the gospel. The foremost front women are infamous in the kitchen. But they are also very able women. If you are at the front, choose such.
You don’t just: take any kind of woman to the front. You can’t afford to just manage things at the front. Choose for the advancement of the work. Do not choose for taste.
Your wife could have more gifts than you. In America a woman divorced her husband and took the greater part of the church. Also, if she is more consecrated, she may have more anointing. It is not because she wears a gown that you are necessarily more able. She may have a greater bonding to the people, a greater price paid etc. If that is the case, you must encourage her. Tell her, “Go on.”
Be A Man
To the men I also say, “The one day your wife does not go to the market is the day you yourself should cook.” A friend of mine wrote me, boiling inside, because he wanted to eat vegetables but his wife did not serve it him. I told him, it was time for him to cook for her. She has been cooking for him faithfully for ten years. He should not be foolish. Let him cook to her taste and beg her to eat this once.
When a woman has given you 365 x 3 x 10 meals, your sickness is enormous if you get mad at her for failing once. Leadership is the deliverance from the self-life. There should be the husband’s day when he cooks. A day he takes a poetic breakfast to her in bed, and a uncle called melody, and a supper called fragrance. It is part of the art of being a husband. That is what it takes to bring a woman, following all her life. It takes this to conquer a woman.
There are husband’s who get angry and leave home without telling their wives. They leave no address. They are prodigal husbands. The prodigal has no address.
Some they will eat. Others go away and buy food from restaurants. That is really being prodigal.
The leader is always looking for ways of communication. The prodigal does not leave an address. The leader is always building bridges to have contact. The prodigal is always breaking the contact bridges. Do not be a prodigal husband.
If you are a pastor, you run after your flock. If not, you are not a pastor. If your child errs away you go after him. The Shepherd goes after the flock. Leadership is a bridge builder. A restorer of broken relationships.
Bearded Babies
The bearded baby withdraws to himself. He may lock the door and let no one talk to him. If there is a problem with the wife, he looks for her, communicates with her, reconciles with her, and reestablishes the relationship. When things are broken, the leader goes for reconciliation. The bearded baby will wait for the wife to come and beg.
Are you a bearded baby or a leader? If your wife does not wash your clothes, you wash them and wash hers. Do not sulk. Do not wait to be begged. You do not beg men. One may beg a baby. Do not be one.
Do not be a bearded baby. Take the initiative. The bearded baby will want to punch his wife. The one who knocks down a weaker person is very weak himself. The leader lifts. The leader provides answers, solutions. Big babies cause problems.
The big baby says They have not done this or that for me. The leader asks – What can I do for you? The leader gives, the bearded baby wants to receive. The bearded baby always thinks that the other party is wrong. The bearded baby, while expanding wants the wife to be shrinking. The big baby says, “This house is always dirty” but does not know the road to broom-land.
Are you a bearded baby? Decide today to be a man, a mature man. Cease to give up. A leader does not give up. For him it is only a problem of time and God will answer. Leadership is war against self. Your wife says, “You are a fool”. You say, “I knew you would tell me that, because I am really a fool.” In any case, who has never been a fool? She may just be referring to that one time when you really were a fool and behaved foolish, and decided foolish.
Women can also be big babies. Big female babies are ruled by self. Are you ruled by the self? If yes then you too are a big baby woman.
Excerpt from: In the Crucible For Service – Z.T. Fomum
